I wish I could say that I had a wonderful turkey dinner with mashed potatoes and gravy and family and friends. I wish a lot of things. There’s really only one person I wish I could’ve spent Thanksgiving with. But that wish is useless in 5 minutes from when I post this.

This Thanksgiving, I’m just thankful that I can find reason to smile and live.

So that post earlier this morning (or late late last night, however you want to look at it). I’m going to have to elaborate. I was on the guest list for Tryst’s 300-themed costume party. It was a freaking awesome time. I was dancing and just being with friends and having fun. I was, for a short moment, happy. I was having a good time. I was enjoying myself. So why couldn’t it just follow through to rest of the night. I hop in my car, pull out of the parking lot, and….breakdown. No, not a car breakdown. An emotional breakdown. I cried allll the way home, all the way into my bedroom, and pretty much just cried myself to sleep. I called my friend up and she was able to talk me through it. Why I felt the way I did. These feelings are still looming over me. And so this morning, I’ve decided, that maybe, just maybe, I’m ready (well, maybe not ready) to move on, or rather should move on. Open myself up for a date or two or something.

I just can’t do the things that I love to do and be happy doing them with these feelings hanging over me all the time. For instance, rehearsing for this film shoot. I usually feel awesome being in the moment and acting and performing. And I wasn’t. I still had that empty feeling. That dark cloud.

Well…I can make it through this.

I’m getting rid of that fucking cloud!